Life S***S..
Monday and tuesday were just like any other normal monday and tuesday,old and boring. I remembered one of the chinese lessons where the lecturer kept making references to me when she was talking about history. LOL!! Do I look like an EMPEROR OR WHAT!? Zzz..I looked so stupid.
Oh ya,after Chinese lessons, I had a small chat with a teacher. She was giving me a lot of advices on what to do and how should I go about influencing the class to do. I can tell that she has high expectations of me on the whole. Well, I hope I won't disappoint her.
Wednesday,I was supposed to go for intra-house competition but sadly it was CANCELLED as there were not enough people to form a team. So I was in harmonica practice. I was so-called involved in the plot of making Jia Da feel miserable as a SL but I guessed I failed as he couldn't feel anything about it. Just that it was a bit and unusually quiet. LOL!! But in the end, we surprised him with a song and present. I didn't know that there was a present. Sorry for not actively participating in this.
Anyway,while I have some laugh in harmo,everything stops when I saw the harmo T-shirt. OMG~! It was super duper PINKISH!! Never in my life that I have such a pinkish shirt. I have been telling my friends about this,if my mum washed my shirt, she will definitely put it in my sisters' wardrobe. SERIOUS AND I MEAN IT!! Zzz.. Well, I'm not sure how I'm supposed to wear that shirt from my house at Chua Chu Kang to Yio Chu Kang. Zzz..
Thursday was a very unlucky day. I was caught by PE teacher for having long hair and was told to cut. I haven't like cut for a month. So I have to spend my money again. Sianz.. I have to let him check on monday. Later, he conducted PE with us and released us late. As usual, his PE was super tough because all the activities were one after the other. There was no rest time. Sianz..
I went for my H3 physics after that. It was kind of interesting as I surprisingly understood the whole concept without any problem. It was quite clear to me.
After H3, at around 6plus, I had a meeting for the Family Day Committee. Actually I was happy that I was inside the committee but I wasn't happy when I got to realise that I was in the Decoration Committee because I had no flair for arts and neither can I do arts. That's the problem but we managed to plan the outline of everything. I hope that the organising class would work well with me so that it will be a breeze to do this.
I reached home at almost 10pm, leaving me with only 1hour to do all the cleaning-up and homework. I couldn't even tahan for awhile and I slept till morning.
Friday was okay to me. Miss Ang held the Civics this morning. She told us stories about making a wrong move might lead to terrible consequences. Well, that's true.
After that, I had a talk with one of my classmates because I just needed someone to talk to relive my stress and emotion. I had some troubles with handling human relations and even when working with people. My friend was right when he said that I get pushed around quite easily and I need to priortise my stuff. I also want to do it but I just can't control my emotions. That's my weakness. The moment I get angry, that's it. I think people will see the other side of me. I bet you guys don't want to see from a I become an it.
I always keep all the emotions to myself because I want the other party to realise their own flairs and they should have been given the second chance to change. But nowadays, I have become more and more aggressive.
People said that I have the face of a dead fish but I just don't feel like talking anymore.
Ok so now I'm going to say some of my feelings that I would normally not tell anyone about it. People, if you see this, please don't feel offended because I need to let go of the steam and blogging is one of the way for me to do so.
Regarding SL last year, someone told me that I didn't communicate well with the class on the project and thus, leads to miscommunication and some even said that the SL was not very interesting as compared to other classes'. Well, I want to make this point that if we never chose this organisation, gods know when we're going to start. You all were engaged in your conversations and objections to every idea. So was it a wrong move to make the decision for you all? As for the communication part, I knew I was partly blamed for this but do you guys want to think about it whether is it entirely my fault? Look at this way, how does it feel if you are standing in front of a group of people and giving a speech when the audience are engaged in their own conversations, doing their own homeworks, listening to their MP3 and sleeping? You tell me, ya? You tell me how to communicate? You can tell me that I'm not very engaging or what but it comes down to serious matter, how engaging can it be?? Even Cassidy had given up talking to the class. Then what about me who is lousier than him?Another point is that I have never work together in a group before from small except PW. I have learnt from small to work alone and not as a group. How do you expect me to change so quickly over a period of time? I'm a human too.
Tell you guys something. It's because of this SL project that I become some laughing stock for some people. I won't tell you all what happened. Can you tell me how do you feel when you have put in 100% effort into something and to be commented and joke about by some people?
I have enough stuff to handle and they're overwhelming me already. So people, please do your job to help to contribute and just wait there for instructions, be it SL or any committee. Please take initiative to ask around if you don't know something.
And for some people, please stop ordering me around to do this and that when you yourself never contribute anything. Stop giving lame excuses to do that and that. If you think your load is high, do you want to compare with me? I got 3camps,1college event,1 SL,Concert,SYF,Practices,H3 and most importantly, pressure and high expectations from teachers. Somemore, I have to travel longer to get to school. I'm stressed enough and stop pushing your own workload to me and claim the credits yourself. I hardly have the time to catch 4hours of sleep.
Pressure and high expectations from teachers have really tied me down so hard that I couldn't even have a chance to take a break. My secondary school teachers also had that much expectations of me to bring the school up to the list of rankings where schools have at least one student with 7A1s. I failed to meet that expectations. Do you know how sad it is for you to hear your very own teacher telling you straight in the face that your results slip was the first one that they looked for and they felt that you have disappointed them because you got 6A1s only? There was only one teacher out of so many who taught me praised me. All the rest was like scolding me for not putting in enough effort to get the last A1. So how does that feel when you get back your result slip? How am I supposed to be happy when teachers were like pinpointing my grades? I tored my pink result slip that I received on that day and never went back to my secondary school after that. Now, even in Ajc, I'm still tied down by the expectations of the teachers. What if I failed again? I think it would be too hard for me to handle this again.
I had a lot of plans for the class this year right from the start of the year because someone commented that some other classes which were not bonded were organising a lot more events than our class and you all think that the leaders should do something about it. Well, please just look at the current circumstances. If people can't even handle and you don't want to even put in your effort, in the end, it would be like last year like that and you would also blame me for it right? I think we will just remain like any other quiet class after SL and that's it. I want to step down but I don't want to leave JinKen in a lurch because he has put in a lot of hardwork in this SL. I'm tired..
As for CCA, I think I won't think anything about it as I had already given my opinions about how to improve and nothing has been done, so let it be. I must first resolve my own problems first.
Now deep down inside, I'm trying to control my emotions, not letting the angry demon take over me. I'm serious. If I ever get angry, I believe that none of u would ever dare to talk to me..if you don't believe, you can try as I need something to vent my anger on..
Well, whether friends or hypocrities out there..See that plight I'm in right now? Can't wait to see me fall right? Happy now!?