Pissed..
Something I really don't get it. I'm like putting in all the hard work and in the end, what did I receive?A bunch of criterism and remarks that somehow destroyed my day.
Some of my friends asked me why did I look so glum during these few days. It was because I was pissed, absolutely pissed with things all around me. There were couple of things going through my mind.
Firstly,why I chose this school was because it was far away from my home and I wanted to start afresh but in the end, everything turned out to be the same. It's the same everything. I would get a lot of hypocrities. They pretended to be your friends but they would put you down at your back. Some even passed comments that could make you piss immediately. I didn't know what to say. This s***~! I don't want to have this kind of life anymore. I already told my mum that I want a transfer of school.
Secondly, I studied so hard not because I'm good at studying or what. It's because I have something to fulfil and not because I want the school to know about me or what. My great-grandmother wants me to graduate with first-class honours but up till now, I didn't have enough money to pay for my university fees yet. Paying the examination fees is a problem to me. I have been working outside to get some money. By studying and getting good grades, I can then get the edusave to pay for my exam fees and increase my chances of getting a scholarship. But in the end, my results still cannot make it. I still don't have enough money. I'm not like those people who only critisize others just because they got filthy rich parents to support them. I'm not as fortunate as you. I have to get my good grades before my great-grandmother or I close our eyes for the last time.
Thirdly, I feel that I was just being used by some friends. From secondary school until now, I was just another fool who do all the work. These "friends" usually crowd around whenever they need my work to copy. Other than that, what am I to them? I'm just another tool to their success. I would be thrown aside whenever I become useless. Just like what happened after O level. Some used-to-be classmates didn't even say hi to me when I met them on the streets. Some pretended not to see me. Well, this is the kind of friendships that I used to have. It seems that it's only through this method that I can find "friends". I never wanted things to turn out this way. I sincerely want to help them but in the end, everything just backfired. I'm just stupid to be used. I was just wondering that will this happen to me in the future?
I lost trust in everyone. I don't want to make anymore new friends. I don't want to get hurt anymore. I don't want to be under so much pressure.
I want to be alone..
I want to give up..
My vision is getting blur everyday so I just hope to spend the rest of my time myself so that I don't have to face anyone and I can be more happy..
Maybe I shouldn't be born in the first place..
Would anyone care..
Some of my friends asked me why did I look so glum during these few days. It was because I was pissed, absolutely pissed with things all around me. There were couple of things going through my mind.
Firstly,why I chose this school was because it was far away from my home and I wanted to start afresh but in the end, everything turned out to be the same. It's the same everything. I would get a lot of hypocrities. They pretended to be your friends but they would put you down at your back. Some even passed comments that could make you piss immediately. I didn't know what to say. This s***~! I don't want to have this kind of life anymore. I already told my mum that I want a transfer of school.
Secondly, I studied so hard not because I'm good at studying or what. It's because I have something to fulfil and not because I want the school to know about me or what. My great-grandmother wants me to graduate with first-class honours but up till now, I didn't have enough money to pay for my university fees yet. Paying the examination fees is a problem to me. I have been working outside to get some money. By studying and getting good grades, I can then get the edusave to pay for my exam fees and increase my chances of getting a scholarship. But in the end, my results still cannot make it. I still don't have enough money. I'm not like those people who only critisize others just because they got filthy rich parents to support them. I'm not as fortunate as you. I have to get my good grades before my great-grandmother or I close our eyes for the last time.
Thirdly, I feel that I was just being used by some friends. From secondary school until now, I was just another fool who do all the work. These "friends" usually crowd around whenever they need my work to copy. Other than that, what am I to them? I'm just another tool to their success. I would be thrown aside whenever I become useless. Just like what happened after O level. Some used-to-be classmates didn't even say hi to me when I met them on the streets. Some pretended not to see me. Well, this is the kind of friendships that I used to have. It seems that it's only through this method that I can find "friends". I never wanted things to turn out this way. I sincerely want to help them but in the end, everything just backfired. I'm just stupid to be used. I was just wondering that will this happen to me in the future?
I lost trust in everyone. I don't want to make anymore new friends. I don't want to get hurt anymore. I don't want to be under so much pressure.
I want to be alone..
I want to give up..
My vision is getting blur everyday so I just hope to spend the rest of my time myself so that I don't have to face anyone and I can be more happy..
Maybe I shouldn't be born in the first place..
Would anyone care..