Random thoughts

Hmm this week was good for me. It was just crap throughout the week. Everything was not going well for me. It was hard to go through. Probably this was the worst week ever for this year. I got a B for my PW. Well, if I tell you all I'm okay with it or I may joke around and look as if I'm okay, I'm just lying because I don't want let people see the sadness in me. I never wanted to show people. I feel that my group has trying so hard and we spend so much time and I feel that at least some of my group members should have at least gotten an A. But I think my group members some are feeling depressed too. But I think it's a bit too hard for me to accept that fact. I'm sad not because I didn't get an A or something like that. It's because I never meet the teacher's expectation. I can sense some of the teachers' disappointment when I tell them my results. And it's tough to tell my parents' results too. I think I will not fulfil the promise that I have made to my great-grandmother. I'm just scared of failures because I only have one way to go and I can't afford to fail in any way. Haiz.. That's the circumstance I'm in right now. I never know what it means to feel happy when I get a result because all my happiness stems from the expectations that people have of me. To me, I generally feel that the teachers set super high standards for me. To them, my grades mean a different thing.
A-average, B-bad, C-crap, D-dead. This is meaning of the grade that the teachers have shown it to me. I really don't know what to say. I think I may breakdown soon but even if I breakdown, I guess I won't show it to all.

Congrats to all who are happy with your results.

I have been thinking alot since yesterday till now. I noticed that the sunset yesterday was nice and the clouds today were extremely nice. I just realise it has been long since I went out with friend to admire the clouds. I feel so peaceful at that point of time because I don't have to think of anything and I don't have to face the reality of life. Probably, it's when I can take a deep breathe so that I won't breakdown..

SYF, Family Day and DE camp coming up.. I'm in-charge of a lot of things. I hope I still can manage by then.. I hope I won't turn out like the way some people did..